The Bachelor’s Guide to Thanksgiving Dinner.
Planning the perfect Thanksgiving dinner party can be a fiasco for even the most seasoned adults. But it can be even trickier for the younger crowd who are out on their own for the first time without a clue. Well, fear not Joe Sixpack! For this mildly entertaining, fact-filled trivia quiz is chockfull of all sorts of insightful information and suggestions to make your haphazardly-thrown-together dinner get-together run just a little bit smoother.
Be sure to grab a pen and a napkin, and write down your choices (A, B, or C). At the end of the quiz you’ll give yourself 10 points for every correct answer and -10 points for every wrong answer — no cheating!
The Tasty Beverage
1. According to most people, the best kind of beer to accompany a traditional turkey dinner is …
A. Amber ale, a lager like Oktoberfest, brown ale, or a strong golden ale like Tripel.
B. A hoppy brown ale, Scotch ale, or porter.
C. Weizen, Wiezenbock, Dubbel, or dark lager.
D. Pabst Blue Ribbon — the only beer capable of helping both your grandpa and your hipster cousin feel right at home.
Wine and Dine
2. What wine is traditionally the best choice to go with a turkey dinner?
A. Pinot Noir (a fruity light-bodied wine traditionally served with red meat).
B. Merlot, Shiraz, or a Chianti (typically full-bodied red wines such as these can overpower the taste of poultry).
C. White Zinfandel or a Chardonnay (white wines tend to blend well with the flavors found in poultry).
D. Carlo Rossi (treat family and friends to a wine buzz on a budget).
3. You might need to take some shortcuts. What’s one way you could speed things along?
A. Tell everyone that the party has moved to your uncle’s place.
B. Have your girlfriend tackle your laundry pile.
C. Find out which food items you can microwave instead of cooking them from scratch.
D. Hit up your neighborhood Boston Market. No one will know the difference until they taste it.
4. As your guests arrive, the best way to keep them entertained and you on schedule is …
A. To show them what channel the Lions game is on.
B. To join them in board games between cooking steps.
C. Engage them in conversation while having them help you in the kitchen.
D. Throw in one of the DVDs you picked up from the dollar bin at your local Big Lots. Nothing gets the kids to sit down and shut up like The Exorcist.
5. One of the best ways to prepare for your Thanksgiving holiday party is …
A. Wake up early that Thursday and hit the stores early.
B. Prepare certain foods such as desserts, stuffings, and soufflés the night before.
C. Have mom make several extra dishes just in case a few unexpected guests arrive.
D. Dig that crushed pack of Basic® cigarettes out from the bottom of your sock drawer. It’s going to be a long day.
6. Around ten days before your party what should you do?
A. Rake those pesky leaves in the front yard and clean that bathroom — finally.
B. Take a careful look at your chairs, tables, and glassware, and ensure that you have enough for everyone attending.
C. Defrost those frozen side dishes ahead of time, so they’re good and ready for the big day.
D. Hire the cutie from next door and borrow your neighbor’s dog. You want your guests to think you have a life, don’t you?
7. When first planning your party, the best things to remember to do are …
A. Give your loved ones a Thanksgiving To-Do list and a nice pat on the behind.
B. Get firm commitments from friends and begin planning what will be on your menu.
C. Send an email out to all your friends letting them know how much money they’ll need to be contributing.
D. Find an undersized “kids’ table” on Craigslist, because it wouldn’t be Thanksgiving if the kids didn’t get a nice helping of age discrimination.
8. Most turkeys are cooked for around three-and-a-half hours or until the internal temperature has reached …
D. 98° and rising heading straight for “I Do (Cherish You)”
Rules of Thumb
9. You should never …
A. Figure out what your friends are bringing and avoid extra servings.
B. Save money by making your own bags of ice.
C. Order early to ensure you get the ham or turkey you want.
D. Dress the Tofurkey with savory sausage stuffing.
10. The most popular Thanksgiving desert is probably …
A. Carrot Cake
B. Rhubarb Pie
C. Pumpkin Pie
D. McDonald’s baked apple pie
Compare your guesses to the answers below, remember to give yourself 10 points for every correct guess you made, and remove 10 points for every one you got wrong.
1.A, 2.C, 3.C, 4.C, 5.B, 6.B, 7.B, 8.C, 9.D, 10.C
Your result translated via every bachelor’s favorite flicks:
If your score was over 80 … Congrats! This rager is gonna make ‘em wanna shout! Who knows, Uncle Randy may even ride his Harley up the stairs.
If your score was between 65 and 80 … Not bad, this is going to be one heck of a Thanksgivingpalooza. Just don’t let grandpa try and wrestle the coeds.
If your score came in just under 65 but above 50 … Beware the brother-in-law. While you may not wake up with a baby in your closet and a tiger in the bathroom, this wild night will leave you trying to connect the dots the next morning.
If you scored less than 50 … It may not be the season for giving just yet, but if you don’t call this one off now, you and your buddies could be dining on Chinese turkey this Thanksgiving.